Life is beautiful. The very moment a new baby takes a breath brings the sound of a cry making it known to the world the adventure of life has begun. As a parent, you are about to embark on a journey like no other. It can be likened to riding a roller coaster at an amusement park. As you wait in line, the anxious and fearful feeling seems to dominate your every thought. As you approach the front of the line, you begin to have second thoughts about whether you even want to go on the ride. Your friends and family are encouraging (and pressuring) you to get on the ride. "It's not that bad. It will be over before you know it. Come on, we can't leave you behind." With trepidation, you concede and get on the ride. Your heart is pounding out of your chest as the seat belt locks you in. There is no turning back now! The countdown begins, 3..2..1 and the ride shoots you out of the gate. Your initial thought is, "This isn't too bad," Then you see the first climb. "Get me off of this ride! AHHHHHHHHHH"
For my husband and I, the first big climb began as we heard the doctor say, "Your son has Spastic Quad Cerebral Palsy. Based on his condition, I don't feel that he will be able to walk. You will need to define what his normal will be." The roller coaster ride has had many more climbs but each time it has become a little less scary. My anxious feeling has been replaced with excitement for what we will see when we reach the top. As time has gone on, I learned through the difficult times we can find joy. Looking for joy in the small things can bring hope to a troubled marriage.
As husband and wives, we need to find a way to be sitting next to each other on the roller coaster ride and making the climb together. Throughout the journey, you may find each other sitting on different rows of the roller coaster, sometimes even on a different track all together. Writing this blog has allowed me to reflect upon how my husband and I have dealt with our life since adopting Joshua. There were multiple times we found ourselves on different tracks of the roller coaster. Instead of me trying to describe our ride, my husband wrote this poem that nicely sums up some of our experiences. We've had our ups and downs as a couple but overtime, we have learned what really matters most. It is to support each other which in return will help strengthen the bond with our children. Our life is crazy with five kids, work and school but this is life, our life.
Our Gift
A tiny gift, he was already born
Confusion and anger, to us he was sworn
A reluctant mother, seeing her noble son
Would not release him, for "he was the one"
She knew of his worth and wanted to his love
While his parents afar gave the agency a shove
We have not yet met the woman so brave
That knew with her, he could not stay
The story of his beginning came to be told
Of complications, drugs; he was six weeks old
Breath escaped him for a time, but he persevered
Angels came to his aide, grandparents near
At seven weeks, a miniature man
Curled up in our arms, and into our van
We fed him and clothed him, changing him oft
More food came up and we thought somethings was off
Doctors poked and looked and reports were read
Cerebral palsy, stiff limbs, and unusually small head
Would he walk, think, grow or speak?
All we knew was that he looked so weak
Hour after hour, day after day, week after week
We held him, slept little, wiped spit up, and he leaked
Father threw himself into work and saw the family less
Mother took on the challenge of everyone, doing her bestThe couple's discussions often about him
Were filled with questions and how best to stretch his limbs
Doctors were skeptical but sisters were kind
When would our little man show us a sign?
We knew he was tenacious, stubborn, and loud
We all smelled of spit up, but of him we were proud
He scooted, then rolled, then clung onto all
Of course with CP, he soon learned how to fall
We rejoiced when he stepped, and loved his laugh
But little man was still in our bed taking up half
Father often slept in another room
Using this arrangement as an excuse
The couple talked less and lived their lives
The working husband and crusading wife
To improve life for all five children, growing faster now
Though there was often depression and blame, miscommunication
We continued to work towards our family's salvation
Talking and listening more, finding joy in each new dilemma
Celebrating each other, including God more than evaJosh is now four, walking, falling, smashing, and washing TV
Talking up a storm, adding apps to phones and eating
He is strong and so very smart, continuing to exceed
Limits, expectations, and growing like a weed
We still often wonder what his life will be like
We wonder the same about each of our tykes
As a couple we hope to continue to bind
Each others' wounds, and more joy to find
We are in this together, whatever this is
We marvel that even the bad times we miss
Because we have watched each others' strengths and character
Blossom and present themselves, taking on whatever
We have learned that we know less
We have learned that life's a mess
We can always hope and work to be better
And we know that it must be together.
Thank God for our children.
Thank God for CP.
Thank God for each other
And what we will be.
Retreat-at-Home Date Night
It is important to focus on the good that comes from living life to the fullest. Invite some of your friends over to enjoy a night of fun by playing the game of "Life." How many blue or pink stick kids will you add to your car? To make it even a better night, pull out the bowls and spoons and enjoy some Life cereal. It is important to find balance as a couple. Even though the roller coaster ride can be crazy, adding the element of spending fun times with your friends can enhance your relationship with each other. Remember to not laugh to loud to wake the sleeping kids!
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