Equally Yoked

Long before farmers began using tractors, they would yoke oxen together to plow the fields. A yoke is a contoured crossbar having two U-shaped attachments that fit around the necks of a team of oxen or other draft animals, with a central ring for hitching the team to a cart, plow, or other load. Initially, the oxen have to learn to adapt to being yoked together. One ox cannot walk faster than the other or make any sudden movements. The oxen need to work together as a team each doing their part to pull the plow. As they are learning, the plowed rows may start out crooked but over time both the oxen and farmer learn to work together.

The following story was told by Boyd Packer at a regional representative seminar on April 3, 1975.

"Several years ago with Bill and Allie Marriott, Donna and I went to a country fair in New Hampshire. It was a beautiful fall day and a delightful old-time country fair. The center of attraction was the oxen pulling contest. Several teams of oxen with heavy wooden yokes were lined up to compete. A wooden sledge was weighted with cement blocks: ten thousand pounds—five tons—to begin with. The object was for the oxen to move the sledge three feet.

I noticed a well-matched pair of very large, brindled, blue-gray animals. They were the big-boned, Holstein, Durham-cross, familiar big blue oxen of seasons past. Because of their size, of course they were the favorites.

Each team was given three attempts to move the sledge. If they were able to do so easily, more weight was added until the teams were eliminated one by one. In turn, each team was hitched to the sledge. The teamster would position his animals carefully, pat them, chortle to them, whisper to them, and then at a goad and a loud command they would slam forward against the yoke. Either the weight would move or the oxen were jerked to a halt.

I was amazed and fascinated and turned to an old New Englander in the crowd and asked if he could explain how that could happen. He said, “E-yeh.” (That means yes in New England.) And then he explained. The big blues were larger and stronger and better matched for size than the other team. But the little oxen had better teamwork and coordination. They hit the yoke together. Both animals jerked forward at exactly the same time and the force moved the load.

The big blue oxen didn’t even place! A small, nondescript pair of animals, not very well matched for size, moved the sledge all three times.

One of the big blue oxen had lagged a second or pushed a second too soon—something like a football player being off side—and the force was spent in a glancing blow. The yoke then was twisted and the team jerked to one side and the sledge hardly moved. And thus we see that size and strength are not enough. It takes teamwork as well."

Even though the small unmatched oxen couldn't communicate with words, their actions were clearly in sync as they were able to move the heavy load. Their teamwork helped them win the competition. Much like the oxen learning to be equally yoked, it takes time for husbands and wives to learn to work together as a team. In the moments when one seems to be running faster than the other, being yoked together with a common purpose can bring clarity and understanding through the rough times. 

When your in the thick of parenting a special needs child, it becomes even more important to find ways to remain yoked together. The added stress can cause a spouse to "leap forward" or try and "free themselves" from the yoke. Communication becomes a vital tool in expressing to one another concerns that may be causing a disruption in your marriage. Just as the oxen had to learn to work in sync, it will take time for couples to adapt and become one in purpose. Don't be discouraged with the learning process of becoming equally yoked. Seek to understand how your spouse is feeling and make necessary changes to be more equally yoked. Look for ways to communicate and be one in purpose.

Following are the guidelines for the Speaker-Listener Technique that can be used to allow each partner the ability to discuss their feelings without interruption or judgement. 

Basic Rules:
1. The speaker has the floor. Choose an item that the speaker holds when it is there turn to talk. 
2. Share the floor. Each person is allotted an amount of time to be the speaker while the other person listens.
3. There is no problem solving. It isn't a time for the listener to try and solve the problems of the speaker.

Rules for the Speaker:
1. Speak for yourself.
2. Don't go on and on.
3. Stop and let the listener paraphrase what you said to ensure they are understanding what you are trying to say.

Rules for the Listener: 
1. Paraphrase what the speaker is saying.
2. Don't rebut what the speaker says. Remember, it is their feelings. 

Taking time to practice the Speaker-Listener Technique will enhance the communication in your marriage. Your relationship is worth it!

Retreat-at-Home Date Night

Utilize your creativity as a couple and make a talking stick to use for the Speaker-Listener Technique. Find materials that you can use from around your house. Add elements that represent who you are individually and as a couple. It will mean more when you're holding the stick and represent your love and commitment to each other. Watch what Stephen Covey has to say about talking sticks.

After creating your stick, enjoy a treat on a stick. Click the words below to be led to recipes for desserts on a stick.  

Various Desserts on a stick

The Simple Things of our Marriage: An interview with Michael & Amy

It was a beautiful warm summer day in July 1998 when Michael and Amy united their love and were married in San Diego. As the sun set after a beautiful day and the well-wishers bid them farewell on their honeymoon, the start of their married life was perfect. Even amid their return to “real life,” they were excited for the adventures ahead and embraced the opportunity to nurture their marriage in various ways.

Fast forward to March 8, 2000, Michael and Amy welcomed their first baby boy into the world. In the last month of Amy’s pregnancy, an ultrasound showed that her ammonic fluid was low and her doctor felt it would be best for her to have the baby via C-section. Little did they know at the time, this was God sent and saved their son from serious, possible life altering complications. Shortly after his birth, Jonathon started to show signs that he was in serious pain. Upon examination, the doctors ordered x-rays and it was confirmed that Jonathon had Osteogenises Imperfecta, otherwise known as Brittle Bones. It was noted on the x-rays that he had seven new fractures from his birth via C-section and there were multiple bone fractures that were in various stages of the healing process from when he was in utero. According to the Osteogensis Imperfecta Foundation webpage, there is a minimum of 20,000 with up to 50,000 people in the US with this condition.

I spent an evening with Michael and Amy and discussed how they have been able to develop a strong marriage amid the struggles that come with parenting a special needs child. I appreciate their honesty and candid responses to the questions I prepared. The vulnerability is real when you put into words the struggles faced with simply trying to find balance in strengthening your relationship as husband and wife.

What was your initial reaction upon learning Jonathon had OI?

Michael: We were blessed with a wonderful nurse who took us under her wing. She explained to us that Shriners hospital in Salt Lake City would be a good option for helping trying to understand more about our son’s condition. We didn’t know what to expect but felt blessed to have the support of from family and friends but most of all from each other.

Amy: We turned to the internet to learn more about the OI. We found that it is easy to feel isolated when you learn that your child has special needs but as we turned to the internet, we have joined support groups and even started our own that helped us connect with people from all over the world. They have become some of our greatest friends and allies as we seek to understand more about the condition.

What specific things to you do to enrich your marriage?

Michael: One thing we do is to take walks together, just the two of us. It gives us time to talk about our hopes and dreams. I am able to talk with Amy about how she is doing. Of course, we also talk about the kids and their schedules but we are able to have that time just with for the two of us.

Amy: When our kids were little, we tended to have more planned dates when we got a babysitter.  Now that they are older, we can slip away for even just an hour and do things like going to Costco. We love to shop at Costco together. After we will go and get a frozen yogurt. Things don’t always have to be planned and perfect. It just about spending time together and focusing on just being in the moment.

How do you handle it when you have different “opinions” in your marriage?

Michael and Amy talking to each other: We make sure we talk things through.

Amy: Since having children, we have assumed our “roles” and know mentally the things we are in charge of.

Michael: For example, Amy is in charge of the house stuff. She handles all of Jonathon’s care, which includes his treatment, making phone calls to doctors and insurance and his IEP. I will attend his IEP meetings and other important doctor’s appointments but Amy primarily handles all of the fine details. She also monitors all of the social media that are kids are on. From the beginning, I have always tried to take notice of when she is overwhelmed and I will step in and take over her duties so she can have time to herself. As for me, I am a people pleaser and a problem solver. I want to fix things and I can’t always do that.

Amy: Both Mike and I are capable people and can sometimes be aggressive in wanting to fix things that are not fixable. We make sure to support each other in our roles and like Mike said, step in when one of us is overwhelmed. Sometimes, the mama bear will come out and I will roar when I need to put up a fight for my son. It is important to have confidence in yourself and the relationship you have with your spouse. Mike is good to back me during those times.

Michael: I tend to take things for face value where Amy is the one who will question and make sure it is best for our son, actually all four of our sons.

What three words come to your mind when you think about Amy?

Michael: First, I would say she is beautiful. Second, Amy is multi-talented and third, she is committed. When Amy starts something, she sees it through. (Michael did mention that three words was not nearly enough to describe his wife.)

What three words come to your mind when you think about Michael?

Amy: Of course handsome would be first. Next, Michael is always willing to help when asked. He doesn’t have any hesitation and will go out of his way to make sure he can help others. Lastly, he is hard working and tireless.

Do you have any final comments that you feel would be important to share with other couples that are in similar situations?

Michael: Don’t quit when times get hard in your marriage. Amy and I place a strong belief in our faith in God that helps us through the good and difficult times.

Amy: It is important to have a foundation of who you and seek to develop that.

During the interview, I saw how tenderly Michael and Amy looked at each other. I have known them personally for a long time and have seen through their journey of marriage that no matter what comes their way, they strive to support each other. I have learned it isn’t about the big things but focusing more on the little things that can help make each other happy. Their son has had many surgeries over the past 15 years that have taken Amy and Jonathon to the world renowned doctor of OI in Omaha, Nebraska. It hasn't been easy but through effort and time, it has made it worth it. The greatest lesson I took away from interviewing them was to take time for you relationship. It is the simple things of their relationship that has brought them the most happiness. I leave you with this question to ponder. What specific ways can you seek to focus on the simple things and not try to change the things you don’t have control over? 

We can’t change being parents of a special needs child but what we can focus on is how to develop our marital relationship one small act at a time.

Dash-into-the Night Date:

By focusing on the simple things of your marriage, find something that the two of you can do where you can connect communicating with one another. Some examples may be:

• Talk a walk on a local trail or around your neighborhood
• Rent a convertible car for a few hours and be truly carefree
• Snuggle together while watching a movie at the drive in
• Go fishing
• Watch the sunset together
• Rent and ride a tandem bike
• Of course, share a treat that you both love

This is life, our life!

Since beginning this blog, I've spent many hours researching and thinking about ways a marriage relationship can withstand the struggles of parenting a special needs child. Through talking with other couples who are in similar situations, I found there seems to be an underlying theme among all of them. It is simple yet complicated, stressful but filled with adventures, chaotic yet peaceful, but most of all worth every struggle. This is life, our life!


Life is beautiful. The very moment a new baby takes a breath brings the sound of a cry making it known to the world the adventure of life has begun. As a parent, you are about to embark on a journey like no other. It can be likened to riding a roller coaster at an amusement park. As you wait in line, the anxious and fearful feeling seems to dominate your every thought. As you approach the front of the line, you begin to have second thoughts about whether you even want to go on the ride. Your friends and family are encouraging (and pressuring) you to get on the ride. "It's not that bad. It will be over before you know it. Come on, we can't leave you behind." With trepidation, you concede and get on the ride. Your heart is pounding out of your chest as the seat belt locks you in. There is no turning back now! The countdown begins, 3..2..1 and the ride shoots you out of the gate. Your initial thought is, "This isn't too bad," Then you see the first climb. "Get me off of this ride! AHHHHHHHHHH"

For my husband and I, the first big climb began as we heard the doctor say, "Your son has Spastic Quad Cerebral Palsy. Based on his condition, I don't feel that he will be able to walk. You will need to define what his normal will be." The roller coaster ride has had many more climbs but each time it has become a little less scary. My anxious feeling has been replaced with excitement for what we will see when we reach the top. As time has gone on, I learned through the difficult times we can find joy. Looking for joy in the small things can bring hope to a troubled marriage. 

As husband and wives, we need to find a way to be sitting next to each other on the roller coaster ride and making the climb together. Throughout the journey, you may find each other sitting on different rows of the roller coaster, sometimes even on a different track all together. Writing this blog has allowed me to reflect upon how my husband and I have dealt with our life since adopting Joshua. There were multiple times we found ourselves on different tracks of the roller coaster. Instead of me trying to describe our ride, my husband wrote this poem that nicely sums up some of our experiences. We've had our ups and downs as a couple but overtime, we have learned what really matters most. It is to support each other which in return will help strengthen the bond with our children. Our life is crazy with five kids, work and school but this is life, our life.

                Our Gift

A tiny gift, he was already born
Confusion and anger, to us he was sworn
A reluctant mother, seeing her noble son
Would not release him, for "he was the one"

She knew of his worth and wanted to his love
While his parents afar gave the agency a shove
We have not yet met the woman so brave
That knew with her, he could not stay

The story of his beginning came to be told
Of complications, drugs; he was six weeks old
Breath escaped him for a time, but he persevered
Angels came to his aide, grandparents near

At seven weeks, a miniature man
Curled up in our arms, and into our van
We fed him and clothed him, changing him oft
More food came up and we thought somethings was off

Doctors poked and looked and reports were read
Cerebral palsy, stiff limbs, and unusually small head
Would he walk, think, grow or speak?
All we knew was that he looked so weak

Hour after hour, day after day, week after week
We held him, slept little, wiped spit up, and he leaked
Father threw himself into work and saw the family less
Mother took on the challenge of everyone, doing her best

The couple's discussions often about him
Were filled with questions and how best to stretch his limbs
Doctors were skeptical but sisters were kind
When would our little man show us a sign?

We knew he was tenacious, stubborn, and loud
We all smelled of spit up, but of him we were proud
He scooted, then rolled, then clung onto all
Of course with CP, he soon learned how to fall

We rejoiced when he stepped, and loved his laugh
But little man was still in our bed taking up half
Father often slept in another room
Using this arrangement as an excuse

The couple talked less and lived their lives
The working husband and crusading wife

At times, they came together to plan on how
To improve life for all five children, growing faster now

Though there was often depression and blame, miscommunication
We continued to work towards our family's salvation
Talking and listening more, finding joy in each new dilemma
Celebrating each other, including God more than eva

Josh is now four, walking, falling, smashing, and washing TV
Talking up a storm, adding apps to phones and eating
He is strong and so very smart, continuing to exceed
Limits, expectations, and growing like a weed

We still often wonder what his life will be like
We wonder the same about each of our tykes
As a couple we hope to continue to bind
Each others' wounds, and more joy to find

We are in this together, whatever this is
We marvel that even the bad times we miss
Because we have watched each others' strengths and character
Blossom and present themselves, taking on whatever

We have learned that we know less
We have learned that life's a mess
We can always hope and work to be better
And we know that it must be together.

Thank God for our children.
Thank God for CP.
Thank God for each other
And what we will be.

Retreat-at-Home Date Night

It is important to focus on the good that comes from living life to the fullest. Invite some of your friends over to enjoy a night of fun by playing the game of "Life." How many blue or pink stick kids will you add to your car? To make it even a better night, pull out the bowls and spoons and enjoy some Life cereal. It is important to find balance as a couple. Even though the roller coaster ride can be crazy, adding the element of spending fun times with your friends can enhance your relationship with each other. Remember to not laugh to loud to wake the sleeping kids! 

Never Giving Up

Resilience comes as we focus on the good that can result from never giving up.

(My son at age 2 walking with his new ankle foot orthodics.)

My son was diagnosed with Spastic Quad Cerebral Palsy when he was a year old. The doctors told us that he would not “amount to much” and my husband and I would be taking care of him for the rest of our lives. I remember walking to the car in a daze trying to grasp what that meant for my son. As I drove out of the parking lot with tears streaming down my face, the realization came that my family would define a “new normal.” Although it was overwhelming to think about the future, I was willing to do anything to ensure he would receive the best possible care.

Over the course of the next year and through lots of physical therapy, my son began to reach milestones that were once a dream. The first step he took showed resilience beyond what anyone could have imagined. The Webster dictionary defines resilience as, “the ability to become strong, healthy, or successful again after something bad happens.” When Joshua was 3 years old, we were leaving my brother’s house after a family gathering. As he stepped down off the porch, Josh fell flat on his face. The motherly instinct was to run and “save him.” Before I could get there, he cautiously struggled to get back on his feet and stepped back onto the porch to try again. As I stood there and watched him, my heart flooded with pure love for his determination and reminded me that resilience comes as we focus on the good that can result from not giving up.

In marriage relationships, how can we focus on the good that comes from not giving up? There will be times in your relationship where it feels like the ground has become your best friend. No matter how hard you try to get up, “you just keep falling.” Whether it be communication, financial, or other personal or relationship related struggles, the ability to learn how to come to the rescue of your spouse and build trust is the beauty of true companionship.

Now, if only it were that easy to look for the good in each other when you’re in the midst of the struggle. The renowned marriage expert, John Gottman, has studied marital relationships for over 40 years. During this time, his focus on marriage stability and divorce prediction has earned him numerous awards. In the following clip, he emphasizes the importance of building trust with your spouse in the little moments.

As we seek to find the little moments in our relationships to build trust, resilience from the face plants will be quicker and the good will result from never giving up.

"The best proof of love is TRUST."

Stay-at-Home-Date 

It's time to become one with the ground together as a couple in a positive way. Find a place in your home, outside or at a nearby park to have a romantic picnic. Bring some of your favorite finger foods that you can feed each other. During this time, discuss ways to learn how to build trust in your relationship. 

Following are some fun picnic ideas and some activities you can do to build trust in your relationship. Click on the links to be directed to a new page.

97 Best Picnic Ideas

Romantic Picnic Ideas

Romantic Picnic Ideas II

Building games for a winning marriage

Trust Building Exercises

S'more Loving

Gather the sleeping bags, pillows and lanterns. It’s time for an in home camping trip. What better fun could there be than to relive some of your childhood memories and create a homemade tent from the kitchen chairs and extra-large blankets. While working together to build your shelter for the night, share some of your most cherished childhood memories and why they are important to you. After preparing your “shelter” for the night, it’s time to make your tin foil dinners. The possibilities are endless from Chicken Fajitas to Meatball Subs. While your dinner cooks in the “fire” aka as the oven, it’s time to create some fire of your own. Grab a pen and paper and write five words that describe what your attracted you to your spouse. This is a time to recall experiences and feelings that brought the two of you together.

What a better way to end the night than by roasting marshmallows for s’mores. The relationship of a husband and wife can be compared to the marshmallow. On the outside, the fire makes the marshmallow hard and sometimes burnt. When you push it down between two graham crackers, it allows the hard outside to crack and the gooey part of the marshmallow flows out. Parenting a special needs child feels like sometimes you’re the marshmallow in the fire. It starts out soft but as the heat penetrates the marshmallow it becomes hard. There will be times where one or both of the spouses will have experiences that cause them to feel overwhelmed or preoccupied. This can result in the lack of attention given to each other. Studies have shown the divorce rate when parenting special need kids to be as high as 70%. This statistic is discouraging particularly when you're in the heat of the fire and want desperately to find relief. It is times like this, couples need to find a way to break the barrier and focus on finding peace among each other. This isn't going to be an easy process but when the fire dies down, you will be able to look back and see how supporting each other allowed the gooey part of the marshmallow to seep out. 

At the end of the night, while snuggling in your makeshift tent, discuss ways to identify (individually and as a couple), what specific triggers begin to harden your “shells” and discuss ways to come together to keep your marriage gooey like the marshmallow center and find peace in what brought you together.

“Coming together is a beginning; keeping together is progress; working together is success”

-Henry Ford

Tin Foil Dinner Recipe Idea

Ingredients

• 1/2 lb hamburger
• 1/2 lb sausage
• 1/4 cup dry bread crumbs
• 1/2 teaspoon pepper
• 2 Tablespoon dehydrated onion
• 2 eggs, lightly beaten
• 2 Tablespoon Parmesan cheese
• 1 teaspoon basil
• 1/2 teaspoon parsley
• 2 cloves garlic, minced
• 1 teaspoon salt
• 1 jar of your favorite spaghetti sauce
• rolls

Instructions

1. Line a large cookie sheet with tin foil and lightly mist with non-stick spray.
2. Combine the first 11 ingredients in a large bowl. Mix until combined. Form into 1 inch balls (I use a small cookie scoop) rolling between your hands to form circles. Place onto your prepared tray.
3. Broil until your meatballs are just lightly browned.
4. AT HOME COOKING: Place your meatballs in a saucepan. Cover with your favorite spaghetti sauce and simmer for 30 minutes. Place onto the rolls and enjoy.
5. IF FREEZING FOR LATER USE: Remove from the oven and when your tray has cooled place in the freezer for twenty minutes. Place your meatballs in a freezer bag and store.
6. CAMPING: Create four rectangles of heavy duty foil. Fold up the sides creating a 1 inch rim. Spray your containers with cooking spray and add a bit of sauce to each. Top with your meatballs. Fold up the sides to create your packet. Place your packets onto prepared coals. Cook for 30 minutes making sure to turn a few times.

(Courtesy of: One Sweet Appetite)

Follow the Yellow Brick Road to Mindfulness

Imagine you’re skipping along the yellow brick road singing, “Cell phones, IPods, Work, Appointments, Kids Oh My! Cell phones, IPods, Work, Appointments, Kids Oh My! Cell phones, IPods, Work, Appointments, Kids Oh My!” Do you feel overwhelmed at the prospect of what is on you’re to do list for the day? Did you notice the flowers that lined the path or take notice of who is skipping alongside of you? Or do your eyes remain fixed on what lies ahead? How many times have you thought to yourself, “It will be better when…?  “My spouse and I will be happier when …? I wish I had time to…”

Simply put, life is BUSY! Trying to fulfill all your obligations and meet the needs of others, particularly your special needs child, can wear you down to the point of exhaustion. Often, it feels like there isn’t time to enjoy life because you are too busy living it. The question then arises, how can we skip down the yellow brick road accomplishing our daily tasks while living in the moment and enjoying the journey? More importantly, how can we enjoy the journey of life walking alongside our spouses?

Recently, I was reading about the practice of mindfulness. Psychology Today defines mindfulness as, “A state of active, open attention on the present. When you’re mindful, you observe your thoughts and feelings from a distance, without judging them for good or bad. Instead of letting life pass you by, mindfulness means living in the moment and awakening to experience.” In simple terms, it is how we cultivate awareness of the mind and body and live in the here and now.

The distractions of today can make it difficult to live in the here and now. What specific distractions in your relationship with your spouse make it more difficult to live and enjoy the moment? Imagine, you are given a day to spend with your spouse without distractions. The kids are well cared for and the money tree grew enough “green stuff” for endless opportunities. What would you choose to do with your spouse? How easy would it be for you to leave behind the worries of daily life and solely focus on each other?

When Scott and Amanda* met in their early twenties, the world stopped around them. They understood the art of mindfulness and relished in enjoying every moment of life as a newly married couple. They could stop and enjoy the flowers along the path of the yellow brick road. Five years into their marriage, they had a son who was diagnosed with special needs. Over time, the couple lost the ability to find joy in everyday living. Slowly, they drifted apart and began to focus more on the busyness of life and less on each other. Scott ended up having an affair, seeking attention from anyone who would validate the stress in his life. Instead of taking the time to stop and focus on the threats to their relationship in the moment, they drifted further apart. Two years later, Scott and Amanda are relearning how to cultivate awareness individually and as a couple. Slowly, they are beginning to not only see the flowers along the path but to actually stop and smell them. The journey has been hard but it's taught them that it is possible to redefine their relationship and focus the here and now.

(*Names have been changed )

It is by learning to embrace your fears that you find your heart.

Dash-into-the-Night Date: 

What better way to connect and live in the moment than by attending a yoga class together. This can be done either at a studio or in the comfort of your own home. If you haven't even done yoga, it is an opportunity to connect with your inner-self and your spouse. After attending yoga, discuss as a couple what specific ways becoming one with each other can benefit living in the here and now. Select one area of focus to work on for the next week to change the busyness of life into pure enjoyment in the moment. End the date with a yummy frozen yogurt!

Living a Charmed Married Life

Have you ever woken up in the morning and turned to your spouse and said, “We live a charmed married life!” They may have a look of confusion and surprise for such a witty comment in the early morning hours. This leads them to think, “What does a charmed married life really look like?” Let me illustrate with a perfect example.

It was a normal day in the life of a busy family. Work, school, therapy appointments and heaping piles of laundry were on the agenda. Sound familiar? With a kiss on my husband’s cheek, off he went to work. I felt confident it was going to be the best day yet. After all, I was living a charmed married life.

As I woke up all the kids for school, my 14 year complained of a stomach ache and decided to stay home. As I left her sleeping away her sickness, I put my 4 year old son in the car and took the other kids to school. After the last drop off was made, my son was BEGGING for me to buy his favorite milk. As quickly as taking a 4 year old to the store can be, we went to pick it up. Trying to avoid the heaping piles of laundry at home, I gave him the option which store he wanted to go to, and thankfully he chose the store furthest from our house. Here I was thinking it was awesome I got to put laundry off for even 30 minutes. Little did I know it would only lead to even more laundry. As I walked through the door, I literally began to understand what it means to be slouching through poop.

I heard my 14 year old frantically screaming, “Mom, the toilet! It’s overflowing. Help me! Help me! I’m so sorry.” It didn’t take long for me to realize that water was seeping through the ceiling in various places. It was the UPSTAIRS toilet. My initial reaction was to scream, “AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH,” but I knew that wasn’t going to help the situation so I quickly ran upstairs to turn the connection to the water off. I stood there looking at the mess in disbelief. My initial reaction was to call my husband and beg for him to rescue me from this nightmare. Certainly, this couldn’t be the charmed married life I was dreaming about earlier in the day! Then it hit me, as I was standing there in two inches of toilet water. This is life; my charmed married life.

Now, three weeks later, I can laugh about our experience even if the house is all torn up. On your wedding day, did you think about the difficult experiences that would stretch you beyond your limit? More than likely, you were blissfully happy at the adventures of a new life together. So, when you’re in the midst of nasty water, no matter how deep, remember that the beauty of a charmed married life are the lessons we learn as we grow together as husband and wife. Instead of asking the question, “Why do we have to experience hard things?” Ask yourselves, “What can we learn from our experiences?” Your perspective can help you one day look back and appreciate standing in poopy toilet water.

“There are many things in life that will catch your eye, but only a few will capture your heart….Pursue those.”

Ralph J. Flipp

                                 

                          Retreat-at-Home Date Idea: 

In honor of living a charmed married life, grab a medium sized mixing bowl and pour a box of Lucky Charms cereal in to share. Each of you will have your own spoon to eat with. While enjoying your cereal together, look on the internet for a charm bracelet to purchase. Select one that represents the eternal circle of your marriage. As you experience different growth experiences as husband and wife, purchase a charm that represents the lesson learned to place on the bracelet. This can become a symbol of your dedication and commitment to each other. Discuss possible ways to have an attitude of gratitude for each other and commit to make one change for the upcoming week that will help you focus on “living a charmed married life.”